Harry Strikes Back
by LoserFaceWow
Summary: Harry has had it with everyone after Voldemorts defeat, and finally shows his Fathers Genetics proudly. Watch as he gets revenge on everyone who pissed him off! AU, Alive!Sirius, Rated M for Langauge and sexy situations :D
1. Camisado

**A/N: Hi People, this LoserFaceWow. This is my first Potter-fic and is AU. Take note that Voldemorts defeat will be revealed later on, and the story will take some VERY interesting twists. Please reveiw and leave suggestions. This starts in middle of Harry's sixth year. No Horecruxes.**

**Disclaimer: Not Mine.**

Chapter One: OH, Now you've done it.

That's it

**That's it.**

_**That's it.**_

_**GODDAMNIT, THIS IS BULL!**_

Harry Potter was fed up. With who you ask? Well, you may think old Tommie-Snake eyes was at the top of his hater list, but Harry already totally destroyed his ass in the beginning of sixth year with Snuffles (He LIVES!!) , so who might it be? Well, EVERYONE!

Harry was getting pissed at Ron and Hermione's PDA's (_Right across from him! Bloody hell, can't a bloke eat lunch!? Just cause' you finally decide to admit your love, tisk tisk you wankers._ ) Don't forget the annoying fighting that took place before that.

Harry was angry with the Weasley matriarch because she nagged him _**all**_ the time. He was plotting against the twins Gred and Forge because they played really annoying pranks on him. Constantly. All because they wanted show they could get one over The-Boy-Who-Lived-To-Kick-The-Dark-Tossers-Ass. Then they would pat him on the head and laugh.

Harry was giving Headmaster Bumblebee the Stink-Eye™ because he still tried to stick him with those ugly pieces of filth known as the Dursley's for future summers. He was pissed at Snivelly because…. Well, Snape's a dick. He was plotting to resurrect Voldy to destroy the Hogwarts teachers because they AGREED with Dumbledork.

Harry was hating on Ginny Weasley because even after he broke up with her and stated many times no means no, she still insisted they were the most perfect couple ever. He was stirring in his own crap because all of the other Weasels (_Holy Shit! I'm Channeling Malfoy_!) did not stop her.

Even Moony and Padfoot were grating his nerves, because they were trying to play mum and daddy with a sixteen-year-old Dark Queen destroyer. (We all know Voldemort was GAY for Lucius' hair D)

The other non-essentials of Hogwarts, they just talk about him too much. Biotches.

And the Ministry, well Harry wished at the moment he knew a Muggle Terrorist.

Harry thought of all these annoyances while he sat eating breakfast at the Gryffindor table one bright Monday Morning. Across from him sat his best friends (_Annoying Besties, Harry reminded himself as they swapped spit_.) Around him sat his other house-mates (_Bitchy Lions, Harry thought rather fiercely_) and his number one stalker Gin-gin was giving him the Look ™. The look that states she mentally undressing him, he shuddered and died a little inside at that. Bumblebee sat on his thrown surrounded by his lackey's-cough- Colleagues.

In fact, the only person Harry didn't want to kill and rape was Draco Malfoy. Simply because he was smart enough to back off after "Scar-Head" killed the Dark Lord.

Harry's right eye twitched dangerously as he watched everyone bathe in the cheerful Hogwarts enchanted ceiling sunlight. Then a spark of evil mischief became alive in his eyes, not seen since James Potter himself. _**Yes, YES, YES!! Harry thought**_, his hands gripped tightly on the edge of the table in bliss. His mouth began to spasm until an evil high-pitched cackle worthy of Moldy-Voldy flew from his mouth. Others in the hall began to watch as he threw his hands into the air and laughed toward the ceiling, his eyes unblinking.

Slowly, people near him shuffled away at the grin on his face. Ron and Hermione exchanged a glance, then started snogging again. Ginny thought he looked quite sexy, and Dean and Seamus tugged on Neville to help the terrified boy escape. Harry never noticed any of the looks and whispers as he quieted down, the only thing he could do was smile.

_**Yes, Harry thought. Revenge will be sweet. **_

Watch out Hogwarts, Harry Potter is Striking back.

**NEXT Chapter: Ode to Snivellous.**


	2. Rockstar

**A/N: -Dramatic Pose- I have returned, in case anyone actually reads this and cares, so yeah new chapter! Sorry about the spelling mistakes in the last. Haha, I know Ron and Hermione were really OOC, but they will have closer to their original personalities just like all the other characters. It's just that Harry has snapped, and just doesn't give a crap anymore. He just wants to live normally, AFTER effing with Peoples heads. Good on you Potter. I am keeping Snape as potion's teacher, cuz that's how _I role_. Enough said, ONWARD! **

**Disclaimer: Not mine. **

Chapter Two: Ode to Snivellous.

After the enlightening breakfast, Harry saw that as always his first class was double potions. This made for a very happy Potter. The BWL smirked evilly and people in the hall backed away, including his besties who stopped snogging and were now concerned.

Harry was blissfully unaware as he practically skipped down the hallways. He looked around and quickly headed toward a dark corner where no one would see him. Harry conjured a mirror and put a Glamour spell on his eyes and messed his hair up a bit. Deeming his work done, he ran down the corridor and went into the potions classroom. He sat down next to Ron and Hermione (Who quirked an eyebrow in disapproval and shock) and waited for the show to begin.

'**_3, 2, 1…and…'_**

**_BOOM,_** The door slammed open as snarky Snapey and his cape of doom slithered in. He looked around the room and sneered.

"Today we will be working on creating a Polyjuice potion; will one of you tell me the main ingredient to the potion?"

Snivelly's lip curled in distaste when Hermione raised her hand up high, but smirked when he saw Potter next to her looking down and not paying attention. **_'Idiot boy.'_**

"Potter, five points for not paying attention, fame and a big ego won't help you pass. Now, tell what is the main ingredient to Poly-" Snape cut himself off as Potter raised his head and smiled at him. He stared gaping as he noticed Potter had Hazel eyes today and an arrogant smirk. _Potter _messed up his hair and spoke,

"Well, Professor Snape, I do believe the main ingredient is _hair, _or another article containing a person's DNA." He winked at the grease ball and ran a hand through his hair once more. Snape pursed his lips together tightly and Harry did a jig in his head, **_'Ooh, yes this will be fun! OMG, he's going Vernon colored, I didn't know that anyone else was capable, hurray for you Snivelly!' _**The little dancing fan-girl Harry started clapping and cheering on Snape. On the outside of Harry's mind, he watched as Snape snarled out a whisper. Yes, it was one of those cold, vein freezing whispers, the type you get when you eat the last cookie of a morbidly obese man.

"_Potter, what do you think you are doing?" _Snape truly looked like the over-grown bat everyone called him to his face and behind his back. His limp and greasy locks curtained his eyes and all Harry could see was Snape's nose.

'**_Damn, I KNEW his nose was where his brain was! It can talk on its own; I guess I should be afraid. Maybe it created the universe…'_** MiniBrainFart!Harry had stopped dancing by now and was analyzing Snivellys' big snot. It was greasy, and the black heads looked like eyes that were going to suck him in, Harry noted awed and grossed out simultaneously. The nostrils, _dear Merlin's bal- _Harry was cut off from his thoughts by Hermione urging him to pay attention with her elbow. Ouch, Mione.

Harry came back to himself and noticed everyone was paying rapt attention. Hell, Malfoy conjured up a Bertie's Botts and now had a meal and show. Might as well give emm' a party. Harry looked up innocently, unknowingly mimicking the look his daddy would give to get out of trouble for hexing Snapey. Snape's eye _twitched_.

"Why Professor Snivels-a-lot, I was just answering your question. Don't get your icky knickers in a twist now." Harry grinned evilly (and a touch insanely) at Snape. Hermione gasped and paled, while Ron and the other Gryffie boys grinned proudly and gleefully over at Harry. The Slytherins in the room looked ready to piss themselves, in fear and laughter. Malfoys' eyebrow twitched compulsively and his usually pale face tinted red with suppressed laughter. Snaky Snape was turning white and his lips were a shriveled blue, his hand inched toward his wand.

"_Get. Out." _A small whisper escaped in form of Snape's putrid breath. Harry tilted his head curiously, and spoke.

"**WHAT DID YOU SAY SIR, I COULD'NT HEAR YOU!" **More like shouted, Harry smiled and fluttered his lashes. Snape dramatically pointed a finger to the door and _shrieked. _

"**GEEETTTTT OUTTTT, YOU UGLY CHIILDD!!" **Damn, Snapey was PMS-ing huh?

Harry saluted Snivelly, with the all honorable middle finger.

"Why didn't you just say so, ugly?" Before anyone could do anything to stop him, Harry ran to the front of the room, where a cauldron was making god only knows what. He also had a dung bomb clutched in his seeker hand, and chucked it into the potion. He took in the astonished and fearful faces, before running off to hide and laughing pretty crazily. 

**BOOM! **Everyone in the potions class was hit by a nasty smelling potion gone wrong, which all but fucked- up Hermione and Snapes' hair. Harry didn't care to even listen in on the after-effects; he had to lock himself up in the RoR with some Fire whiskey, and **_Plot._**In heaven, James Potter was smiling proudly as he and Lily watched Snape's hair sizzle and fall out.

**Next Chapter: Off to see Headmaster Bumblebee. Hoorah!**

**A/N: Hey, I am not at all happy with this chapter. I think it was a little Cliché on my part, but alas. Well, the reason I chose to rip on all the characters (in case you're wondering) was because they really became sort of overly-annoying in book Six. Hermione cried over Ron and Berated Harry for doing better than her for once and Ron was off trying to be Jock and didn't even defend Harry. The Ginny! Romance came literally without any real character build-up, besides over-dramatized jealousy of Dean Thomas. **

**The fact that his best friends didn't believe Harry about Malfoy infuriated me, so know he might be a good guy, or even Harry's gay lover if you want. Tonks kind of annoyed me with the whole crying act, but I like her. Remus seriously never did much for Harry, and I HATE Dead! Sirius. Don't like it? Too bad this is Fan fiction. **

**If you want pairings, they are limited to all characters that are NOT Canon. (Like Malfoy, Luna…etc.) REVIEW!**


	3. Pokerface

**Disclaimer: I disclaim. **

**Chapter three: Off to see, Headmaster Bumblebee.**

**

* * *

** Mr. Harry James Potter grinned as he looked out from the door of the Room of Requirement. He had been hiding in this room from a rather enraged Professor Snape, and one lecture-prone Hermione Granger.

For the estimated time of two hours, and if he was correct, they were surely in the great hall for dinner right now. Harry blinked to clear his vision, but it did not help one bit. He was sure he had not downed that entire bottle of Fire-whiskey, (Of course he would remember later on with a blaring headache that it was magically charmed to re-fill,) but his double vision and loose, languid movements dictated otherwise.

Nonetheless, the ever bold boy-who-lived somehow staggered his way to the outside doors of the great hall, managing to crash into many portraits on his drunken journey. Somewhere inside Harry _knew _going in there was a _really_ stupid idea, but the louder and drunker part of him demanded he do it.

So Harry opened the doors to the great hall very loudly, and all heads turned in his direction. Most looked amused, while others (bald Mr. Snivells and mighty-morpher Granger,) looked peeved. Harry smiled crookedly and took slow, steadied steps to the Gryffindor table, and ungracefully fell in the seat across from Ron and Hermione. Many raised their eyebrows at this (and the strong scent of alcohol radiating from him,) and decided to watch what happened next. Ron decided to speak first.

"Hey mate, where've you been all day, Snape ran around the entire grounds trying to find you," Ron stated with a cheeky grin. Harry, with that same smile on his face, looked over to a rather bushy-haired Hermione.

"Well, I wush in hidin' from Hermy-Herme-Mione and Shnape. Mione, are yeh angreh wit meh? Cuz' even though you an' Ron have jus' been snoggin' this whole time, I still lurve yeh," Harry slurred out unevenly.

Ron, Hermione, and the rest of the nearest table occupants looked stunned. Not just from his choice of words, but how he spoke. Seamus "Irish-alcohol-lover" Finnegan came out of his shock first, and then grinned a huge grin.

"Well hell, lookit tha', Potter's as drunk as me uncle Paddy!" an overjoyed Seamus exclaimed. Hearing this, Hermoine then narrowed her eyes and went into her 'Busy-body-bossy mode'.

"Harrison James Potter! I cannot believe you were drinking on school premises, and underage drinking as well! And what was that stunt you pulled earlier, you could have blown up the entire classroom and its occupants! You've landed yourself in so much trouble and lost Gryffindor 150 points. (She ignored the shout of "Bloody worth it!" from Dean Thomas.) What do you have to say for yourself?" Hermione ranted with one huge breath.

Harry blinked very slowly, and then said the only thing he could think of saying after that entire lecture.

"My name ish not Harrison, damn mental you areee Mioneee," Harry dragged out.

Hermione bristled indignantly (as did her also insulted bushy mane,) but was prevented from retorting as a tawny owl stopped in front of Harry and left a note.

Ron looked up from his food (the only way for him to successfully ignore Hermione,) and curiously picked it up.

"You don't seem to be in proper condition to read this, I reckon. Want me to read it for you mate?" Ron asked the BWL very slowly with a smug grin on his face. Harry answered with a 'thumbs down', and glared with unfocused eyes at the appendage. He moved his right hand toward it, then flipped his left hand upward, and now had a 'thumbs up'.

"Yesh, you can read it, mayte,I dun' mind," Harry answered. Hermione harrumphed, then looked over Ron's shoulder to read it as well. As always, Hermione finished reading first. She looked annoyed and worried. '_**Anorried**_,_**giggled little drunk!brain Harry.'**_

"Just as I thought, you now have to meet Professor's Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Snape in the headmaster's office right now. Sirius and Remus will also be present," Hermione spoke. It took about five extra seconds for Harry to grasp what she said, but when he did, he let out a slurred and deranged barrage of laughter. When he was finished he stood up from the table, and started to skip away, loudly singing: "I'm off to see the bee, the blunderful Bumblebee!"

When he was gone, Ron slid closer to Hermione.

"At least the fire-whiskey wore off somewhat, he only seems tipsy now." Ron shrugged. Hermione sighed heavily, and then shrugged in return. Then, were they finally able to make-out.

* * *

Harry giggled quite loudly as he stood in front of the password seeking gargoyles that lead to the headmasters office. He whipped out his wand, and transfigured his robes into a blue and white farm dress. Then, he pointed it to his shoes and they turned into dazzling high-heeled ruby slippers. He conjured a straw basket and whistled loudly. Harry 'Tipsy' Potter looked up to see Hedwig flying to him, so he pointed to the cushioned basket. Hedwig hooted her consent and landed in the basket, then snuggled down into the cushion. Harry grinned at his owl, (who he swears always grins back,) and then created the finishing touch. A big blue bow for his hair. With his work done (knowing he definitely was a very pretty young lady right now), he faced the gargoyles once more, which were waiting for the password.

"**LEMON DROPS!" **he screamed out to them, and they nodded and opened the stairwell.

He skipped daintily up the stairs, and knocked on the office door.

"Enter, Mr. Potter," spoke an old and kindly voice. Harry did so without hesitation.

The people in the room were staring at him incredulously from their chairs. (Dumbledore's eyes did betray his amusement though.)

Harry widened his eyes dramatically, and spoke in a high pitched and southern drawled voice.

"Oh Hedwig, I don't think we're in the great hall anymore."

**Sorry it was cut short, but I'm tired. Next update will be much quicker (I think).**

**If there is anyone who is somehow hyper sensitive about the Irish stereotype here, just know I am half Irish, and find it humorous. **

**Next Chapter: Werewolves, Snapeys, and Headmasters, Oh my!**


End file.
